Seeing/Experiencing God

Where do I begin to explain my thoughts? I'm sooooooooo overwhelmed by God's goodness that I'm near speechless!! After Coleman's heart diagnosis in December, we grieved and were sad and didn't have much peace for a few days, maybe a week. Then, God spoke. God spoke several times. One time I was praying and just talking to God about my sadness that Coleman had to go through this and couldn't He use me and my body to do something that would bring Him glory rather than using my precious Coleman? (I had the sense that what I was feeling was not so different from what Jacob might have felt when he was called to lay Isaac on the altar. ) Although it didn't comfort me right away, I was impressed that God was saying, "you'll see me Meghan. You'll see my face and experience me through this whole thing. Expect to see and experience me at every turn!" While that made me feel better and definitely eager to see Him, I still wished Coleman didn't have to suffer. It wasn't but about 2 days later that I was sitting in church talking to God and I was impressed with several word pictures. I started to think about how God created this world we live in and what an amazing creator He is. We can definitely see a part of God by appreciating His creation. Then I thought about the ocean and all the wonders of the depths of the sea which most of us will only experience through the Discovery channel. In order to personally experience that part of God's creation, you have to be a diver and you have to have equipment that will either take you to the depths or that can go there for you as the deepest part of the ocean is not physically suitable for humans. (This is where I have trouble articulating my thoughts) Aren't there aspects of God that, like the ocean, will always stay a mystery because we just can't access it due to our humanness? Are there not also aspects of God that only a process of suffering can allow us to see and experience? When God revealed these thoughts and ideas to me, my immediate response was "thank you God for Down Syndrome and all that goes with it!" I want to see, know and experience God in new and amazing ways. My sense was that we were getting to go to some depths that we otherwise couldn't get to aside from this experience.

Well, as much as I love to worship and I feel so connected to God through worship, my worship experiences have never taken me to this place where I have recently experienced a new aspect of God's love!! God said to `expect to see' Him and we have indeed. We have seen Him in and through Coleman's success so far in this healing process. We have seen Him through the doctors, nurses, surgeons and other staff members here at MUSC. We have seen Him through other families in similar circumstances who are also believers and who also trust in God's total abilities to manage the Universe and to bring healing to our children. We have seen God also through the faces and hugs and food etc., of those who have come to visit or drop off food at home. And we have especially seen God through Charlotte and Jim White who lovingly cared for Tradd and Cooper and who have been at our beck and call. Finally, we have seen God through this blog and everyones' comments, through other notes and emails and through all the amazing people who have given us there bended knees and bowed heads throughout this process.

A friend of ours recently made a post regarding scripture in I John which talks about love. I John 4:12 says "No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." (NIV) Essentially, we see/experience an aspect of who God is through the love of others! It seems that God has wanted us to experience the depths of His love through this because he allowed us to be so profoundly loved and blessed by all the support and prayers of people we know and even those we don't know. While I bask in God's love, experiencing it through you all, I'm beginning to wonder what this is preparation for!? God's purposes are multi-faceted and He surely has a plan for us to do something with this experience. I believe God teaches us things not only for our benefit but also for the benefit of others. What I'm trying to say is that there is another chapter to be written. Instead of 6 months with surgery looming ahead somewhat foreboding, I will wait eagerly and enthusiastically to find out what that next chapter will be.